


fucking SCREAMING

by noodlefucker



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: BUT I LOVE THEM, Drowning, HIGHLY EXPERIMENTAL ENDING PART, Kinda, Other, and they love each other, just them fucking SCREAMING, like look at the title, three kids yellin at the ocean, was pretty cathartic to write though, why does no one write about the beach scene that was my fav scene in the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 08:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlefucker/pseuds/noodlefucker
Summary: When Junpei finds the two of them on the beach of Yakushima, they’re sitting in puddles and shouting at the sky. There’s seaweed in Yukari’s bra, somehow Minato is crying, but what the hell they’re just a bunch of lonely kids.Or, the inevitable.





	fucking SCREAMING

It’s Yakushima, it’s the team vacation, and he’s only walked into four trees tonight. He’s picking his way over prickly bushes in the dark. He doesn’t even know how far they’ve run. He’s tired, and he knows she must be tired, too. It must be nearly midnight. She’s upset and he’s sure he won’t know what to say once they face each other. About parental issues, no less. He trudges on, every new scratch and scuff from the trees a welcome distraction from the daunting conversation.

But he has to emerge sometime, and by the time Minato bursts from the trees, Yukari is already far down, dashing down the beach hill toward the shoreline, an expanse of black ocean. The sand on the beach is a dark, soft indigo, only dimly lit by the moonlight. Clear of the darkness of the Yakushima forest, he stands for a moment at the edge of the greenery, catching his breath. From here he can survey much of the area, at least. He dusts himself off of scattered leaves and brush. 

“Yukari,” he calls, because everything he does is that calm and everyone at S.E.E.S. likes him for it. Stoic and silly. Yukari keeps running anyway, further down. She’s about halfway. Her shoes leave characteristic indents in the sand. Flip-flops. Her form, retreating from him, is so small. He’d always known she was a short girl-- he was a small guy, hell, he all but had to be aware of girls’ heights-- but at that moment he is taken aback by how utterly fragile she is. There is only so much strength a Persona and a bow can lend. Her supple waist looks like the pinched design on an artisan figurine, her long skinny legs reminiscent of the bow she carries. Curved, mysterious. But not careful enough, and it snaps. 

He’s used to people dying, and he’s used to seeing flashes of death in the most innocuous of situations. When he was younger, he used to shake and cry and vomit. Now it’s just piled under layers of apathy, a woven net of emotional blunting, only now unravelling at the seams. Rather, cut open forcefully. But he doesn’t mind as much as he thought he would. These loons, the friends at the dorm, they’re the scissors: gently coaxing him out of his blanket then ripping it apart, revealing that the air of the world he had been protecting himself from was made of only kindness. For now. But that vulnerability will hurt soon. It will hurt so much. It is dangerous to let this happen, he knows. But he can’t stop.

How can he? When he sees his first friends letting loose night after intense night in Tartarus, then sharing _double _double entendres at school like secrets within secrets… these days, he’s almost known for smiling around them. His eyes in the mirror are a lighter hue of blue than he remembers-- like the wings of some exotic butterfly, iridescent cerulean.__

__So for the first time he’s actually _bothered _when he sees in his mind the morbid deaths of his companions, usually at the hand of some Shadow. It’s made worse by the fact that they actually do die, sometimes. Thanks to Recarm, they move on like nothing ever happened, but he knows he can’t be the only one that considers the implications of that. He feels like he’s generally the most accustomed death, although with all the secrets these days it’s difficult to be sure. And if he’s disturbed, how do the others feel?___ _

____It’s hard to say which death is the most disturbing vision. He’s not sure whom he cares for most-- can’t be sure he can decisively claim he cares for anyone yet. But here, at the top of the hill overlooking the sand, it’s Yukari’s death he fears most. She looks like a young sapling. If she dies, who will be there to heal her? He’s not sure he likes having delicate-looking friends. Getting attached to them is all the more dangerous. Her shape, still running, escaping, almost, is nearly dimensionless as she is by the water. The darkness of the ocean at night seems to be swallowing her whole as she continues blisteringly forward._ _ _ _

____“Yukari,” he says again, quietly. He can’t stop watching. The ankles of her jeans are soaked. She is already to her knees in water. Hips. Chest. Face._ _ _ _

____He starts running, and the first thing he screams in ten years is her name._ _ _ _

____It must shock her too, because she turns around, for a brief second. Minato is hopeful, but she whips her head not only around, but downward. Her feet must not touch the bottom anymore. She’s seriously going to keep swimming._ _ _ _

____Minato feels the solid earth beneath the sand with every step as he pounds down the hill, the impact each time reverberating up his bones. Sand is fast gathering in his shoes, from the way he’s spraying up a storm at his pace._ _ _ _

____He trips, and it’s a real fall. The sand clings to his cheek, forearms, palms, everything as he lays on the ground, but he feels no pain at all. Jumping back to his feet, he keeps running without dusting himself off. Yukari is only a dark bob in the water, quite some distance from the shore. And she’s not showing signs of slowing down. He rips off his sneakers, incomprehensibly furious at them. His socks follow._ _ _ _

____One would think that with so much adrenaline, Minato’s mind would be focused on the one thing at hand. Yet his vision is almost foggy with the looming possibilities of Yukari’s death, progressively more disturbing. In one, a Shadow flies down from the sky. The banal, everyday fare: here, so impossible, it’s nearly amusing. In the second, an unseen creature of the deep chooses a pretty brunette for a nighttime snack. It’s a very real possibility and Minato, though inexperienced, knows there’s a probable reason most people don’t swim in the ocean at night. He imagines sharks circling her at this very moment, underwater so that she can’t see their fin-tips. It’s almost enough to make him stumble again._ _ _ _

____In contrast, the final Yukari death of the moment is one which almost makes him come to a complete halt. He sees Minato, running down to the water, swimming all the way into that impossibly black water to save her, shouting her name. And then suddenly it’s him, he’s living it, he’s in the water, it’s cold, he’s next to Yukari, she’s safe. He doesn’t see her reaction, doesn’t wait long enough for her to turn around, because as he grabs his shoulder forcefully he’s grabbing her other shoulder too, and in the next moment he’s pushing her down in the water, using his weight and her exhaustion to keep her down, feel her long nails scratching desperately at his arms, air bubbles rise up from underwater, the movement of the water as she tries to kick at him. In it, he’s laughing._ _ _ _

____But he’s too afraid to be afraid right now, he doesn’t even know what she means to him, what the visions mean, what he’s afraid of. Out there, on the ocean, he has no idea to know what will happen. He might kill her. She might just kill him. All he knows is that they are both pretty fucked up, and so is everyone else here, and dammit so is everyone else in the fucking world, and if he has to play normal for one more second he might just explode._ _ _ _

____He’s in the water, then, and it’s impenetrable. A fresh wave of something hits him: cold, or fear, maybe, but it’s something much warmer than that (much, much later, he’d learn it’s love). He barely notices the way his bare feet catch at rocks and seaweeds he would’ve pretended to squirm at any other day. All he can think of is killing Yukari, or being killed by her, and how it is really much harder to see where she is from down here than from the vantage point at the top of the hill. Actually, he all but can’t see her at all. Minato ignores the rising dread and kicks off in as straight of a line as he can, with as much trust in himself as he can muster. It isn’t very much. There is a moment where he puts his head under the water and opens his eyes to try and spot her, but the utter abyss before his eyes, even with his feet still touching the bottom, nearly makes him turn back._ _ _ _

____Very soon, he can’t even run through the ocean anymore, and resorts to strokes. There’s something vastly more horrifying about this. From here on out, he can’t see the sandy seabed, even by feel. The liquid, darker than black, is much too close to his face when he turns his face up for air. His limbs, now adjusted to the water temperature, nevertheless feel like they are swimming through something very wrong. He doesn’t know what is in it, what fate awaits for him, whispers away from his skin. It is at that moment Minato realizes he will die tonight, in this hell water._ _ _ _

____Swallowing his frantic heart, hoping to clear his lightheadedness, he continues. With further alarm, he realizes he’s getting tired. Between the forest, the run down the beach, and now the ocean, he and Yukari must’ve each covered several hundreds of meters. Not even knowing he could feel more panic, Minato wonders how Yukari must feel. She is so small. He has to save her. He has to find her. He has to see her._ _ _ _

____He doesn’t see her. Yes, he can see the coastline on the horizon, but fuck, he’s in the middle of the ocean at night, he’s about to die and he can’t see her. He turns around on the spot, again and again, treading water though his limbs are aching and sore. He settles for floating on the surface instead, like a starfish, trying to conserve energy. He’s so tired, and he knows it’s so futile._ _ _ _

____From here, the night is almost pleasant. His long bangs straggling wetly across his face and the rest of his hair fanning out in the water below, Minato feels almost serene on those ocean waves. The sky above is mostly cloudless. This far from shore, the expanse of stars seems not only to stretch across a deep black canvas, but into an infinitely far universe. It’s a shame he doesn’t know constellations too well. It’s also a shame that the brightness of the moon, though helpful tonight, hides the luminance of the Milky Way. He’s sure that if the ocean were calmer, could ever be truly windless, the stars would be reflected in it, like a perfect mirror. Two universes, one above and one below, each with their infinite depths to explore. And him, at the shore, standing between them, like parting two seas forever. Like a resident of some wormhole. Some cruel, loving, impossible wormhole that is this world between the stars._ _ _ _

____But Minato isn’t on the shore anymore. This dark, impossible ocean is his place now. He’s in one of the universes, rather one of the universes has claimed him. And he’d been feeling extremely exposed for some time. His back is completely open to the deep ocean, and when something tickles along the bottom of his calf, he almost expects it. But the funny thing is, he can never perceive his own death like others’, hypothetical though they might be. So he chooses to wait for it. Then it brushes against him again, and it’s much, much bigger. His imagination explodes, black tendrils of danger and sealed death snaking through every available faculty. Red or maybe black or maybe everything explodes across his vision. His breath catches._ _ _ _

____He wants to scream. Cry. Anything. The apathy and dignity he’s built since childhood have been sloughed away by this hellish ocean, and he’s left with nothing but raw pain and terror. Minato thought he wouldn’t care when his time came. But death really is this ugly. And so he screams, and he screams the only thing he knows._ _ _ _

____“Yukari!”_ _ _ _

____He calls her name, again and again, until his throat is raw with saltwater and emotion. At any rate, nothing has bumped into him since he started yelling, so it’s doing something. He does it so incessantly he almost doesn’t hear it._ _ _ _

____“Minato-kun!”_ _ _ _

____His first thought is that Yukari is calling to him from the other universe, the starscape up above of. His second thought never really forms because he’s plowing through the water toward her, toward his left on the ocean surface._ _ _ _

____She was never that far from him. As he nears her, he doesn’t slow down despite the feeling that he was about to kill her. Instead, he links his arm in hers. She’s safe, for now, but growing tired, even more so than him, he figures. In that moment, he wishes he were stronger. For all Yukari’s fragility, Minato is a pretty weak guy, too. Sure, he’s in shape. They all are, they have to be. But he’s no match for Sanada-senpai, or even Junpei, in a fistfight. The only reason he ended up leader was luck, a weird, still unexplained talent with swords, and the ability to become anything anyone wanted him to be._ _ _ _

____As they’re kicking out with the last of their strength toward shore, he realizes Yukari is crying. He’s not sure if he is, and even the fact that he is considering it is worrying. He’s stoic, sure. Quiet and silly. But somehow it feels right to say something for once here, for the sake of someone, and not just conform socially. Between the disturbing quiet of the ocean, the lapping of the water at their wet clothes, and the steady but faltering kicks driving them forward, there has to be something._ _ _ _

____“Yukari,” he says, as calmly as he can manage while so out of breath. He feels her arm move against him as she shifts so slightly. His eyes dart to meet her gaze. Her eyes are tired but wide, tears concealed by the ocean water. The only things giving away her crying are her now hiccups and hitching breaths. Her smudged makeup has long been washed off by the ocean, but Minato can hardly bother to care._ _ _ _

____He realizes he’s supposed to say something after her name as she waits expectantly, but can find neither the appropriate phrase nor the energy. He opts for a forced smile. It probably looks like a grimace. Yukari sniffles, but laughs a little too. A welcome sound._ _ _ _

____Minato’s still numb as they near the shore, everything still coursing through him at once. The fear, the deaths, screaming Yukari’s name, the two universes. But they’re almost there, now. Skirting wide to the side of a large patch of foamy water, he’s almost ready to believe they survived._ _ _ _

____“Wait, Minato, that’s--” Yukari tries to pull away. Maybe she does, in the end, but Minato doesn’t find out. He feels an incredible current jostle him underwater, and his body is but a ragdoll in the tide. He doesn’t remember after that._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Minato wakes up feeling like all his ribs are being crushed. He already can’t breathe, feeling saltwater gush out of everywhere, but this is frankly ridiculous. Even before he opens his eyes, he shoves his assailant as hard as he can._ _ _ _

____It’s Yukari. She’s bowled backward, almost lying on the sand beside him now. Her vulnerable, tear-streaked face goes blank in a seeming attempt to process the appropriate emotions, before settling on something Minato can’t quite place. She forms two solid fists and squeezes her eyes shut. He can tell she’s about to him, kind of playfully, kind of not, and he can tell they’re going to hurt, too, despite everything they’ve already lived through tonight. She’ll call him a stupid idiot and he’ll apologize and she’ll get over it. But for the first time, she drops her hands and opens her eyes, staring downward. Minato follows her gaze. Her hands are trembling._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” Minato says, surprising himself with his initiative. But it’s Yukari’s restraint bothers him. “I’m a stupid idiot.”_ _ _ _

____“No,” she snaps. And, softly, “I am.”_ _ _ _

____“Thanks for saving me,” he continues, almost a whisper. “And thanks for breaking my ribs for no reason.”_ _ _ _

____“CPR.”_ _ _ _

____He grins mischievously, although he isn’t feeling especially casual. “First kiss?”_ _ _ _

____“Like hell,” Yukari growls, but it’s without bite. She looks contemplative. “I don’t need to tell you why I ran from them, right?”_ _ _ _

____Minato isn’t sure whether to nod or shake his head. He puts one of his hand in hers, still on her lap. She’s still trembling. He sees Yukari’s gaze flicker down to their hands, but it’s not focused, like she’s seeing through them into some deep past or faraway future. He takes his hand back, placing it on his own chest._ _ _ _

____She continues to stare at her hands. She’s kneeling next to him, jeans and tank top completely drenched. Her hair is plastered to her face and neck, darker when wet, and her shoes must’ve gotten lost during their swim somewhere. It’s so wrong, the perfect, pretty Yukari in school that never failed to wear short skirts and bows. She’s so popular. Not the weird crazy girl to go running into the ocean in the dark, fate for that night-- and forever-- uncertain._ _ _ _

____He lies down, wet hair splaying out over the sand. It feels like he’s floating out there again, screaming, hell he’ll admit it, probably crying. But this is better. This is solid, no matter how dirty it makes him. The rest of his body is probably picking up sand too, he’s as drenched as Yukari from their impromptu swim, there’s gritty stuff everywhere. But he doesn’t care. He’s a little cold, though. If he had a jacket right now, he’d offer his friend one. Gentility would be the best trait to have at a time like this, but he was smelly and wet and tired._ _ _ _

____“Hey--” Yukari’s cry is cut off as his head is suddenly underwater again. He sits up immediately, coughing and sputtering as the saltwater inevitably goes down his throat and nose. It’s the worst. The damn tide! Why didn’t Yukari have the good sense to at least move a few metres up from the water? They were practically still in it! The salt burns, and he wipes his face. He’s suddenly enraged that there’s nothing dry around here to wipe his face on. The anger makes him let out a scream at nothing._ _ _ _

____A small squeak comes out of Yukari, and then she’s laughing._ _ _ _

____“What?” he grumbles, at the same eye level now._ _ _ _

____“You’re just,” she says. She smiles to herself. “It’s nice.” At this, she crawls up and lies down on the sand, a bit further up, and not pointing head-first into the water. Minato follows suit, and closes his eyes as he collapses next to her. They’re still so dripping wet from the swim they nearly have their own personal puddles._ _ _ _

____“They’ll be here soon,” Yukari says, and her voice is inscrutable. “Should we?”_ _ _ _

____He shakes his head no, hearing the way his scalp moves against the rough sand particles, a granular sound. From the corner of his eye, he sees her smile in what he assumes is assent._ _ _ _

____They lie on the beach in silence, knowing that no matter what they do, their dormmates will still come for them. Let them. Minato knows they both still have questions about a hundred and one things, but it wouldn’t do to talk now. He links his arm around Yukari’s. He doesn’t move to lace their fingers together because he doesn’t mean it like that, or maybe he does, or maybe the sky is just beautiful tonight and they’re alive and none of that really matters. The moon and the stars dance above, brighter than before. All the clouds cleared. There’s only one universe after all, Minato realizes, and it’s the one I’m in right now._ _ _ _

____Slowly but surely, eventually, there’s a crashing, cutting, swearing sound. Minato sits up, and looks around. The noise is coming from the forest up on the hill. There’s a loud crash, then a louder expletive in Junpei’s voice. A flock of birds rises up from the trees._ _ _ _

____Yukari sits up quickly, unlinking their arms. Some shine in her eyes suggests that she’s just gotten an idea, and Minato knows you don’t stop Yukari ideas. She turns to the ocean, that unfathomable vastness, shuts her eyes, and braces herself._ _ _ _

____FWAWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_ _ _ _

____Minato jumps. He almost laughs. From up on the hill, he hears Junpei curse in confusion, and hurry. But Yukari won’t stop screaming at the water. Minato stares out at it, then at her, then back at the water. Oh, what the hell. He squeezes his eyes shut, hopes his voice won’t crack, and yells._ _ _ _

____uhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_ _ _ _

____Junpei is nearly scrambling over himself up there, and when Minato turns to look, he’s clear of the trees. He’s also cleared the trees entirely. Slashing a katana with a trail of fresh lumber in his wake, he races down the slope toward them, katana still going. Minato laughs, and Yukari takes another breath to start anew._ _ _ _

____“What the FUCK are you--” Junpei cuts himself off, out of breath as he comes next to the two in the sand. Yukari is still screaming. He sits down on the other side of Minato to avoid her, panting. “No, don’t even tell me. Just stop.”_ _ _ _

____“Junpei,” Minato says, his throat sore but inflection entirely normal. Professional, even. He’s always been good at bluffing. “It’s good for stress relief. Try it.”_ _ _ _

____“No.”_ _ _ _

____Yukari provides them with another long scream._ _ _ _

____Junpei reaches across Minato to slap her gently. “Man, why you gotta be like that?”_ _ _ _

____“Lie down, Junpei,” she breathes. Her eyes shine. “I can see you’re stressed, and you need some stress relief. Just open your mouth. AHHHHHHHH. Loudly.”_ _ _ _

____“Ahhhhhhhh.”_ _ _ _

____Minato slaps him and points at his katana. “Junpei, scream right now or I will commit sudoku with that.”_ _ _ _

____“That… no. And bruh, it’s in my hand, how will you--”_ _ _ _

____“On the count of three!” Yukari yells. “One, two, three--”_ _ _ _

____And then they’re screaming, and Junpei slowly builds up his voice, and then he’s screaming, really screaming, and he’s the loudest of all, and Minato swears the whole island can hear them. Junpei has a way of creating confidence on the fly, so realistic it doesn’t matter that it isn’t the real thing. Their voices in the night, a chorus of pain and wonder and joy and confusion, echo into the sky until they’re hoarse. They’re going to get a lecture for sure, but in that moment, panting, it doesn’t matter. Minato reaches out his arms on both sides, and they both take the offer. He pulls them closer, arms linked, until their heads are touching his._ _ _ _

____“I’m going to pretend,” Junpei says evenly. “That I don’t notice how wet you guys are, not in a weird way, or how fishy you smell, I mean that literally, or that Yukari there’s seaweed in your bra, holy shit bro I seriously did not mean to ruin this moment I swear.”_ _ _ _

____Minato smiles. “Keep screaming.”_ _ _ _

____And so they do, but they can’t be bothered to sit up to do it at the ocean, so now it’s at the sky. And the stars just take their unsung struggles, and Minato is almost sure they’re listening._ _ _ _

____Junpei breaks the silence after a longer pause this time. “I’m also going to pretend I don’t want to know what this is about.”_ _ _ _

____“Just sad kids being sad at stuff,” Yukari says, peacefully almost._ _ _ _

____Junpei huffs, and a bitter smile forms. “Don’t we do that like literally every moment of our lives?”_ _ _ _

____“Hey,” Minato says. He sits up. When they don’t say anything, he stands up and walks toward the water. Expectant, they get up and follow. When the three of them are standing at the waterline, two drenched and one with a katana, Minato just looks out at the horizon. They are so ridiculous, and they’re the best thing to happen to him. He takes a deep breath. “I think it’d be even better if we told the ocean what we’re thinking.”_ _ _ _

____Yukari leads. They follow._ _ _ _

____FUCK YOU DAD YOU DISHONEST PIECE OF SHIT EXCUSE OF A FATHER LIE TO YOUR FAMILY, YOUR WIFE, YOUR DAUGHTER, EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE , EVERYONE, DID YOU EVER CARE ABOUT ANYONE?? ANYTHING????? AND YOU COULDN’T EVEN TELL THE TRUTH TO THE PEOPLE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THE MOST???? YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC MAN I HAVE EVER HEARD OF_ _ _ _

____HOOOOOOOOO DAMN YOU TELL ‘EM YUKA-TANNNNNNNNNNN_ _ _ _

____OH MY LORD YUKARI LET THEM HAVE IT_ _ _ _

____THAT’S RIGHT AND FUCK YOU TOO MOM WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU EVEN THINKING GETTING PREGNANT AND HAVING A KID IF YOU WERENT GOING TO DEAL WITHOUT DAD AROUND???? ITS SO FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE I KNOW ILL PROBABLY HAVE TO FORGIVE YOU SOMEDAY BUT HONESTLY YOUR ACTIONS HAVE DONE SO MUCH TERRIBLE SHIT TO ME I CANT FORGIVE YOU RIGHT NOW AND IN FACT I REALLY KIND OF FUCKING HATE YOU??????_ _ _ _

____YEAH FUCK PARENTS WHAT THE HELL HONESTLY, FUCK YOU DAD YOU DRUNK FUCK, YOU RUINED OUR FAMILY. OH WAIT DO I EVEN HAVE A FAMILY? OR IS THAT JUST A CONCEPT BECAUSE YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ME BECAUSE YOU HAD SEX AND MADE ME??? LIKE WHO DECIDED THAT PEOPLE COULD DO THAT BECAUSE LIKE I CANT EVEN FUCKING GO BACK TO MY OWN HOUSE BECAUSE OF YOU????? MY SUPPOSED CARETAKER?????_ _ _ _

____THAT’S RIGHT DUDE HOLY SHIT_ _ _ _

____YEAH FUCK THAT NOISE JUNPEI_ _ _ _

____LIKE YEAH OKAY I KNOW YOU SUFFERED AND YOU’RE USING ALCOHOL TO COPE WITH SHIT BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO BE TERRIBLE TO OTHERS LIKE AT ALL. ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TO LOVE THEM AND GUIDE THEM AND TEACH THEM AND MAYBE YOU KNOW LIKE SHOW AFFECTION ONCE IN A WHILE INSTEAD OF THE SHIT YOU CALL DISCIPLINE???? GOD KNOWS WHY I HAVENT CALLED THE COPS HAHA_ _ _ _

____FUCK THEM FUCK EVERYTHING_ _ _ _

____I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO FUCKING REPRESS EVERYTHING JUST TO GET THROUGH EVERY DAY, I WISH I COULD SMILE AND LAUGH LIKE OTHER PEOPLE I WISH I DIDNT USE JOKES AND A MALLEABLE PERSONALITY AS A WAY TO GET PEOPLE TO USE ME AND TO LIKE ME AT LEAST IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER I WISH I COULD FIT IN WITH EVERYONE AT S.E.E.S. BUT IM ALSO AFRAID TO GET CLOSE TO ANYONE BECAUSE EVERYONE I LOVE HAS DIED AND I HAVE NO REASON TO THINK IT’S DIFFERENT BECAUSE YOU ALL KILL MONSTERS AT NIGHT AND IT’S KILL OR BE KILLED AND UNLIKE YOU ALL I HAVE NO ONE AND NOTHING OUTSIDE OF THIS AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME EVEN IF I SURVIVE ALL THIS SO I’M NOT SURE I EVEN WANT TO????????_ _ _ _

____YEAH HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT????????? HOW CAN SOCIETY JUST LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU_ _ _ _

____HOLY SHIT MAN HOLY FUCK DUDE THATS SO RIGHT, THATS SO GODDAMN RIGHT HONESTLY FUCK THIS FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT SO MUCH_ _ _ _

____They go on like that for a while, and either Mitsuru has decided to leave them for dead or, well that’s the only plausible explanation, because no one else from S.E.E.S. ever comes down for them after that. Junpei is all genuine grins and watery eyes, Yukari wistful, shaking sighs, and Minato a slight smile with huge, trailing tears. He hadn’t really revealed much of himself, unlike his friends. He wasn’t like that. But even admitting he had a lot going on was admitting a lot, and for now, it was huge. Maybe in time, he could become more like the others. But for now, just knowing that they’re all hugely imperfect in their own way, it’s enough._ _ _ _

____“Well,” Minato says in a blubbery, but ever leaderlike voice. “Let’s get back.”_ _ _ _

____They let out one final shout in unison, voices rubbed raw and hoarse. Exhausted and still quite drenched, they make their way up the sandbanks. But before they head back into the forest, Minato insists they search for something._ _ _ _

____The three of them scour the beach for his shoes and socks, only to find that someone had sliced them into pieces on his way down the hill._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> hi i have not slept in 24 hours i hope you enjoyed this 
> 
> i hope the screams weren't too awkwardly presented like..... idk....... also the whole thing seems pretty silly but ive always wanted to go screaming at things :/
> 
> but uhhhhhhh def experimental stuff. as with everything i do lol
> 
> til next time
> 
> edit: my sleep deprived mind immediately regrets pubilshing this but i REFUSE


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